Going public

So something weird is happening. After all these months of semi-private rantings and mumblings, I googled starbhanta and lo and behold there is my blog.! A somewhat specific google I know, but still, I was secure in my little 'only friends and family' world (funny how you list friends before family there isnt it? seems a little illogical or disrespectful somehow). ANYWAY, now I feel all exposed and open to scrutiny. Possibly by those who feature regularly. Until now I've avoided releasing the url, but an unfortunate linking of blogs resulted in general release recently - so who knows WHAT they've seen. I do know lovely Amy, the only person to get a real namecheck was moderately offended by me referring to her as 'way way older than me'. But in my defense I believe she said it first. And anyway, when you get to be this old, every month is a blessing, so more than a year IS way way older. So I guess I'll have to be more careful now. That's in addition to hoping that the people I've now warmed up to dont backtrack and see the nasty names I called them 9 months ago. OR I could just carry on hurting feelings and making enemies for the rest of my life, which is MUCH more fun for sure. Decision made.

So back to me me me. I notice I have an American pattern of phrasing slipping into my language more and more. I also am looking at the word 'defense' above and wondering if this is the correct spelling. If so, where is it correct? Here or there? It's very confusing. I also notice that I am becoming just a little Alice in Wonderland with these thoughts. I suspect the new esspresso machine (baby blue, very pretty) may be the culprit. 40+ people should not drink coffee after 6pm. It should be a law. It's now almost 1 am and I'm still sat here rambling. I'll need a latte to get me moving tomorrow, then I'll hit caffeine slump at 2 and will need another, then I'll be so awake at 7pm I'll think - oh yes, esspresso, what a good idea and then the whole vicious circle will start again. I'm now beginning to understand the whole addiction chain, which to be honest, despite my 40-a-day habit in my late teens, I never really got. It's very clever you know. I wonder can you buy shares in Starbucks and illy? I must look into that when I stop spending my money on baby blue coffee machines and the like and have something to invest in my old age.

There's another point on the fear of everything front. I've started worrying about my old age. Not that I worry too much about being old - quite looking forward to it in some ways. Shoving into queues, bad manners, and comfy shoes - right up my street. I'm a tad worried about how I'll cope being skint - because I will be skint (see baby blue coffee machine above!) I hope my sisters - who love and cherish me dearly, continue to be married to frugal and sensible husbands and take pity on me. (I married Peter Pan so I've already written off being rescued by him). Maybe if I send them really expensive christmas gifts every year...