Home alone

Husband has gone off on one of his great lonesome adventures. When asked for his route he replied ' East for a day, then north, then loop back'. Must be great being him!
The routine for these trips goes like this:
'I think I'll go on another trip"
(me) 'ok just arrange childcare and give me dates so I can work around it'
'I can't go -its not fair'
'no its fine, just get everything organized first'
'I'll think about it'

6 weeks of brooding and increasing irritability

(me) would you please go on a feekin trip and give us all a break?
'oh that's a good idea... if you dont mind'

3 weeks of intense map reading
1 week of intense mission planning and packing (must happen in middle of living room and must take 5 days)

' it will be good to get some space and everythings organized, you'll hardly notice the difference in your routine.

Day 1 of trip. I work from home today (just in case). He plans on leaving at 5am - so I'll need to drop the kids off at school.
My 'hardly notice the difference' day went like this:
7 .00 get up, deal with emails, get ready
7.45 Get kids up, ready, out to school.
8.30 Drive to school. Drop kids off, deal with admin in school office, hand in various forms and payments that have been lying around for 2 weeks but need to be dealt with Today.
9.00 Do all of housework in 30 mins flat
9.30 Start work
10.00 see husband off on trip (5am !!!!!!!!) ' take photos of me leaving, come see my new topbox, let me show you my route;
10.15 - 2.30 Work
2.40 Drive to school. Pick up kids
2.40 -2.50 pressganged by kids into buying books at bookclub thing at school
2.50 3.20 Hijacked to hang art as husband had volunteered but forgotten, so they were looking for him.
3.30 Drive home. Feed and water children while taking phone call from husband with progress update. 'Its 110 degrees, but the plains are fabulous
3.45 - 6.00 work while minding children, supervising homework and providing constant snacks
6.00 - 7.15 Drive to HMB. Softball practice for child A. Read Ninja tree house book to child B in car while waiting.
7.70 - 8.30 Drive to School. Open house at school, checkout both classes, artwork, projects in corridors, lug home a forest of paper.
8.30 Drive home. Feed and water children while taking second progress call from husband ' the plains are really boring, I'm heading north tomorrow, my hips hurt'
9.30 finally get kids to bed
9.30 - 11.00 catch up on work, confirm tomorrows pick-ups, rideshares etc etc
11.00 make packed lunches
11.30 Replace sofa covers husband washed 4 days ago.
11.50 - bed

Nope, hardly noticed the difference.

The llama's fine - in case you were wondering.

BUT apparently the antivenom has to be followed by a course of antibotics. Antibiotics kill bacteria or enzymes or somesuch, and llamas need same bacteria/enzymes/somesuch to digest food. So a course of injections is also needed to replace the stuff that the antibiotics kill. Sound familiar? Nose lump - doctor- scan - ent guy- dentist- xrays - orthadontic surgeon- huge bills. Its a conspiracy I tell you. Even the poor llaaaaaamaaaas are susceptable. Hmm.

'how was your weekend?'

This morning it was all the usual stuff,
' saw Pirates of Caribbean 3 - it was rubbish '
'went for a 10 mile bike run'
'learned to surf in hawaii' (maybe that one isnt so usual)
'went to a barbecue'

Then the classic line of all time - 'mom's llama got bit by a rattlesnake so we spent all day yesterday trying to catch her '.

This was followed shortly after by a persistent 'you are a heartless b*t**' aimed at me . I don't know what kicked that off - I genuinely thought it was a very funny thing for him to say. AND I was trying to be helpful when I suggested he just replace it with another one before she gets back from her hols! It's a llaaaammaaaa! How distictive can it be? She only keeps it because it's easier than using a lawnmower.

Memorial day weekend

The weekend started well with me soooo tired I couldnt believe it. Had 2 glasses of wine with dinner, settled down to watch a movie, woke at 3am on the sofa. Husband asleep at the other end of the sofa. All the lights on. Tivo holding page still on. Doors unlocked. The whole caboodle. Being a nice spouse I lock up and stumble off to bed leaving him to freeze on his todd.

Saturday afternoon, Gus and I tootle around half moon bay while Ali was at softball practise. I had a flash of interior decor brilliance and bought a gumball machine filled with cacti. (!) No idea what to do with it once I got it home. It's currently sitting opposite the orange tree in the dinner nook looking slightly unsure of its position.

We just got in from movie night at the Princeton Harbour Yacht club. Big screen on the dock. All the kids in the back of vans and cars a la drive-in. Adults on camp chairs wi pints o beer and a blankies. Fun. Errol Flynn in Robin Hood, so funny - I'd totally forgotten how hammy it was, - and I'd no idea metalic fabrics were so big with Maid Marian and her peers she spent most of the movie looking like a cross between the Virgin Mary and Suzan from Human League. I was also oblivious to the fact thay they had chilli peppers in growing in the forest in medieval England - amazing! As usual the American audience managed to make the whole thing so upbeat you couldnt help but cheer at the end. Gus wants to know if we can get it on DVD!!!!!

Its been a long time

Cant believe almost 3 weeks have passed since I last posted. Time flies!.
So on the back of a conversation and in an effort to get down with the kids (yeah right) I start youtubin ghost riders. Two things strike me - 1. Looking cool no longer looks cool to me - it looks stupid. Is that because Im old or do these dudes really look like dumb shi*s? There is one video where they use a school bus to ghostride, hubby quips, now there's one school bus you wouldnt mind seeing wiped out.? He' s soooooo pc. NOT.

The youtube took me of course to other stuff, so i had a entire evening of Catherine Tate, the Royal Command Performance is an absolute classic, I loved that. )But is one bothered? then I stumbled on some Glasgow comedienne Jaynee something. Very VERY funny. For anyone who's had children, the 'pain of childbirth part is pricelee.

So I'm in a wave of homesick right now. We spent the last few days eating $2 cadburys flakes Laughing in hysterics, tearns n all at Lauren (Tate). and for me missing the speed of conversation and discussion.Long weekend coming up though, so an opportunity to soak up the Americaness of it all and hopefully shake of the stupor I feel righ now. The 'caffeine' pills arent doin anything, still fat.

Nightmare

At the weekend we were invited to a kids party/ cinquo de mayo party. Twinkle was already there. Hubby goes off in advance to drop soemthing off. Me and wee boy are all set to leave. I nip back into grab a bag and lock up etc. Wee boy is waiting in garden ( LIVES on the swing practically). Anyway I come out he's nowhere to be seen. I running up to the road - no sign. Out to the back gate - no sign. Back into the house - no sign. Starting to panic big time - I'm YELLING his name. And I see him in the distance on the cliffs, running back towards me. he only turned when he heard me yelling - how he heard me I don't know, cause I couldnt even see him. He then RIPS into me for giving HIM a fright, cos he thought I was behind him!!!!!!

Next day at a party in the park, he disappears off to the toilet on his own, to wash the tree sap from his hands. All while I am watching him like a hawk. He's there, I put something in the trash can and he's gone. I swear he's trying to give me a heart attack. I haven't slept for two nights with the terrors of it all.

Needless to say his father got the blame for allowing him too much freedom. Can't be my fault I'm constantly neurotic. (apparently).

Today's desk-side sayings

I don't think we want to take that out of our quiver just yet.

Nice hubs.

Straight to my head

Had a haircut on Saturday. I SWEAR it sapped my strength. I've been ditsy useless bird for 2 days now.
This morning I took out my wallet to check I had cash for the carpark (see previous saga on that one).
Then promptly left my wallet on the counter. So I get in to the carpark, have to plead with the nice carpark guy to let me park temporarily for free, traipse over to the office, cadge $10 and walk all the way back. The carpark guy had to pay for me once before, then another time I forgot to get back before 7 and he'd gone home, so I was stranded with no car keys (valet dontcha know), so he's used to me. But maan they're ribbing me at work.

They've also taken to making me say 'potato'. Results in peels of laughter (no pun intended). Don't know why, I suspect it may be my accent (ya think??) but since I'm useless for anything else right now I can only comply.

The stories people tell.

When we have little side chats in the office (as you do) I'm often struck by how different our lives are - especially our childhood memories. So I make notes in my stripey book under a 'must blog this' heading.
Unfortunately I then forget the stories. This I find frustrating and fascinating all at the same time. So I'm leaving them as they are - it feels appropriate somehow. So my 'must blog' page currently reads:

7 story tree house.
Won horse in raffle / rodeo.
Wagon trip.
Parents Naturist friends in the kitchen
Kayak convention
Horse choked - died.
Tree house fell down.
Bacon candles / Bear bait.
Avril Lavigne *MF.

I'm kinda scared to work with these people now.

Talent show

I have been horribly busy and stressed by my IRS returns which would make Jesus sell his soul for a good tax adviser! Hence no blog entries. Also, Twinkle, had her school talent show on Saturday. So the added pressure of being a non- PTA but guilt ridden Mom meant, I had to conjured up 40 T-shirts in 2 hours. However I did it, and sold them for a whacking fundraising profit.( I am SO great.) So am now released back onto my own self obsessed vanity site.

Anyway, talent show was phenomenal. Professional mc, lights, smoke machine, wireless headset mics, etc etc etc. None of your Mrs Johnston on piano in the lunch hall here. Its California don't you know.

Highlights of the night:
Twinkle and her mates in their Wizard of Oz dance routine - of course. Followed by:
Shirley Temple tap dance opener ( I positively filled up)
Elvis and his teddy bear (some parents are borderline cruel)
Very beautiful Russian singing wee girl in a peasant skirt (you just know she loves Tatoo though)
5 year old harmonica player (so sweet my teeth hurt - and his dad was kinda tasty too)
3 x pianists (unfortunately all played individually) but one hi-5-d her big brother when she was done, so we let her off for being cute
Mission Impossible gymnastics team - complete with woolly hats and laser lights and back flips. (way too cool for school)
The pirate jokes (what give a pirate a heart attack? blocked ahrrrrrrrteries)Classic
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star played on the recorder via a fourth graders nose. (now that's talent).
6 year old, who when the rapturous applause for her van morrison song died down, piped up 'emm actually I wasn't quite done yet!'

Some misses:
Sisters song by mini blonde brats in big frocks.
Unfortunately large child with lisp, singing Hilary Duff teen angst song.
Shy and awkward child singing Avril Lavine angry song.
Very pretty blonde 11 year old, in very mature red lipstick, doing somewhat inappropriate Gwen Steffanie routine.
(with obligatory mother lipsynching in the wings of course).
Bongo drums. (nuff said).