Pants

Not completely American I admit. But never ceases to amuse me when one bloke says to another at work ' are those new pants? very cool!' To offset this they continue to make me say 'potato' for no reason though.

vacation

Long time no post - shame on me. Writers block, busy life - boring life. But now that I've remembered how to log on (!) back to my rambling habits.

Just back from vacation (another Americanism that's crept in to the dialect - used to be holidays before). Went to Oahu in Hawaii. LOVED IT. Palm trees, beaches, mai tai' s. Mmmmm.

Wee girl became snorkelling demon. Snorkelling in the pool, in the sea, in the shower, on the loo (photo's to prove it on request). Wee boy became a hula demon. Father NOT impressed by that. Mai Tai muddled mother found it hysterical.

Snorkelling with a 9 year old is very interesting. Especially in shallow rocky bays. (Shark's Cove to be specific). She's scooting around without a care, I keep getting my boobs and budha belly scuffed on the rocks. Ouch. Also, her fascination with BIG fish was slightly disconcerting. I know I'm a coward/freak/wimp/woose etc etc etc, but I do not like to be swimming with big giant silver and green stripy toothy boggle eyed beasts. (God knows I dated enough of them in the 80's!) Wee nemo-esque blue and yellow things are fine - but the big giant ugly thangs - eeeeek!

Very friendly people in Hawaii - especially the buff young men. No wonder the middle-aged ladies all look so cheery.

Usual ridiculously bad American road signage. Husband forced us to visit Pearl Harbor, took us longer to find it than it did to tour it. But terribly informative. terribly. (See previous blog on middle-aged men and their fascination with all things war related).

Previous to Hawaii...
Birthday parties x 3. - Beach party sooo much easier than bouncy castle with midges.
Surf camp - 9 year old can surf, husband can't.
First and second visitors of the summer - must start charging for that spare room.
4th of July parade - free candy, barbecue, fireworks, lost sister in crowd, found er again.
Sonoma cabin - floppy futon and farty bruv-in-law. Managed to lose control of my arm during conversation and literally THROW a glass of red wine over young sister. She took it well. (compensation for farty bruv-in-law).

Post Hawaii (bikini shame) now on fish, veg, white wine and chocolate diet. Will keep you posted on that one. Training for mid Sept 10K. My legs hurt. Best tip from marathon-runner-skinny-blonde-friend/personal trainer. 'the trick is to stop running before you can't breathe any more'. Sooo glad I'm not paying her!

nuns

Seems everyone is doing stuff

We've had a rash of hobby-itis this past few weeks. Daughter is on the local girls softball team. She's had 2 games and is bored already. I'm forcing her to stick it out till end of season though. If for no reason other than to recoup the cost of the mitt, the sign-up, the team photos, the cleats, the trousers, etc etc etc.
Since she's being forced to be there she passes her time productively in the dugout (she IS a benchwarmer) by learning new chants ('she's number wuuuuhhn,- Alice is her naaaahhme,- she's wunnathereasons, - we're gonna win this gaaaaaamme);blowing HUGE hair-matting-blue-hubba-bubba bubbles; and fashion 'stylin' the uniforms. (if you twist stripy socks you get spiral socks - soooo cooooool - apparently). At the end of the game she has no concept of the score. She plays for the coasters. So far they've been beaten by the Kittens and drawn with the Livewires. Both times she reckons the other team had the advantage because they have either a better uniform (kittens) or better name! I fear her heart isn't in the game sadly. !!!

Wee boy's fave hobby is currently reading. He is now a certified boffin, having just been assessed at school as a Fifth grade level reader!!!! His sister is furious - she too is a Fifth grade level reader, but she's just finishing 3rd grade while he is just finishing KG - to her this is some sort of personal affront and it drives her MAD. This irritation is only excaberated by his new hobby of reading everything. He is reading anything he can get his hands on, (and I'm constantly hiding my copies of People and Marie Claire). He reads out loud as we drive along, challenging her to read-offs. This is all fine until you pull up alongside some graffiti. Yikes. Every time this happens I'm reminded of the now famous shop name incident. ' m-a-n-g-o mango. m-a-c-y-s macys, f-c-u-k f..... ' Yes you can imagine.

Hubby is now officially back from his weekend endurance trip. Between last Thursday am and Sat night he went from Moss Beach, to Nevada, to Idaho, to Utah, to Nevada, (again) and back to California. Pulled a classic by wearing head to toe black leather - then realizing that it's 108 in Nevada in June.!!! However, he had fun - he says.

So not to be outdone, I've been looking for my own hobby. Have considered a motorbike of my own (don't have a motorbike yet), surfing (need swim lessons first) I dabbled in running (too hard). So instead I've taken up knitting! I feel it befits a woman of my mature years and certainly fits with my talent for sitting on my arse drinking wine. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be very good at it. (The knitting, that is - I'm very good at the sitting and drinking bit). I mean, how hard could it be really? But no, its not really working. I've made 2 hats so far. Son is wearing his with pride, but unfortunately it has so many holes, he looks like he's wearing an enormous hairnet. I keep telling him it's gangsta, though so struts around in it thinking he's cool. (Thats the problem with boffins - very gullible on the style front). Hat numero 2 is too small even for daughters tiny heed. However, I turned the situation around by sewing on a handle and some beads. She's been wearing her new 'purse' all day. I'm rather proud of my creative recovery on that one (unfortunately everything falls out of the 'purse' through the holes eventually). I KNOW they just feel sorry for me, but I cover for them and wear purple string bracelets, and enormous bead keyrings and shrunken plastic brooches every day - so I'll bask in my creative glow for a little longer. ( I will of course remove the hairnet before he goes to school - there's funny and there's downright cruel.)

Home alone

Husband has gone off on one of his great lonesome adventures. When asked for his route he replied ' East for a day, then north, then loop back'. Must be great being him!
The routine for these trips goes like this:
'I think I'll go on another trip"
(me) 'ok just arrange childcare and give me dates so I can work around it'
'I can't go -its not fair'
'no its fine, just get everything organized first'
'I'll think about it'

6 weeks of brooding and increasing irritability

(me) would you please go on a feekin trip and give us all a break?
'oh that's a good idea... if you dont mind'

3 weeks of intense map reading
1 week of intense mission planning and packing (must happen in middle of living room and must take 5 days)

' it will be good to get some space and everythings organized, you'll hardly notice the difference in your routine.

Day 1 of trip. I work from home today (just in case). He plans on leaving at 5am - so I'll need to drop the kids off at school.
My 'hardly notice the difference' day went like this:
7 .00 get up, deal with emails, get ready
7.45 Get kids up, ready, out to school.
8.30 Drive to school. Drop kids off, deal with admin in school office, hand in various forms and payments that have been lying around for 2 weeks but need to be dealt with Today.
9.00 Do all of housework in 30 mins flat
9.30 Start work
10.00 see husband off on trip (5am !!!!!!!!) ' take photos of me leaving, come see my new topbox, let me show you my route;
10.15 - 2.30 Work
2.40 Drive to school. Pick up kids
2.40 -2.50 pressganged by kids into buying books at bookclub thing at school
2.50 3.20 Hijacked to hang art as husband had volunteered but forgotten, so they were looking for him.
3.30 Drive home. Feed and water children while taking phone call from husband with progress update. 'Its 110 degrees, but the plains are fabulous
3.45 - 6.00 work while minding children, supervising homework and providing constant snacks
6.00 - 7.15 Drive to HMB. Softball practice for child A. Read Ninja tree house book to child B in car while waiting.
7.70 - 8.30 Drive to School. Open house at school, checkout both classes, artwork, projects in corridors, lug home a forest of paper.
8.30 Drive home. Feed and water children while taking second progress call from husband ' the plains are really boring, I'm heading north tomorrow, my hips hurt'
9.30 finally get kids to bed
9.30 - 11.00 catch up on work, confirm tomorrows pick-ups, rideshares etc etc
11.00 make packed lunches
11.30 Replace sofa covers husband washed 4 days ago.
11.50 - bed

Nope, hardly noticed the difference.

The llama's fine - in case you were wondering.

BUT apparently the antivenom has to be followed by a course of antibotics. Antibiotics kill bacteria or enzymes or somesuch, and llamas need same bacteria/enzymes/somesuch to digest food. So a course of injections is also needed to replace the stuff that the antibiotics kill. Sound familiar? Nose lump - doctor- scan - ent guy- dentist- xrays - orthadontic surgeon- huge bills. Its a conspiracy I tell you. Even the poor llaaaaaamaaaas are susceptable. Hmm.

'how was your weekend?'

This morning it was all the usual stuff,
' saw Pirates of Caribbean 3 - it was rubbish '
'went for a 10 mile bike run'
'learned to surf in hawaii' (maybe that one isnt so usual)
'went to a barbecue'

Then the classic line of all time - 'mom's llama got bit by a rattlesnake so we spent all day yesterday trying to catch her '.

This was followed shortly after by a persistent 'you are a heartless b*t**' aimed at me . I don't know what kicked that off - I genuinely thought it was a very funny thing for him to say. AND I was trying to be helpful when I suggested he just replace it with another one before she gets back from her hols! It's a llaaaammaaaa! How distictive can it be? She only keeps it because it's easier than using a lawnmower.