ohmagawd

another earthquake. 8.04pm we're all sitting on the floor and there's a boom. Because we have great big windows we all looked at those first thinking it was a huge gust of wind - then the house shuddered. We've obviously integrated into California now though, because we immediately leapt to the computer to check out the seismic scale! It was a 5.6 - moderate apparently the scale goes up to 7 - that does not translate to moderate in my book, but who am I to argue. Anyway nothing fell off shelves, the chimney didn't crumble (thankfully as I was sitting under it) and the tea lights in the pumpkins perched on the deck rail were still lit - so no harm done. Little boy got a little freaked out though and twinkle of course milked the event for every last ounce of drama - forcing us to practice our duck and cover technique.

Oh how we laughed when our friends started phoning to see if our house on the cliff was still here. Personally I think they were all planning to loot our substantial earthquake kit. (they laugh at us now you know, but come the big one, I know I'm gonna need to turn that gun on our neighbours to protect the corn beef).

Despite my blase attitude I'll now spend the whole night listening for a tsunami.

a matter of taste

America goes all out for Halloween. We realised this last year when we were confronted by life-size zombi's in cages and entire houses decked out as witches lairs. This year I'm relishing in all of the good taste stuff that is created. From electric pumpkin carvers (awesome) to jelly body parts to flashing bubbles shaped like cats. The best stuff though is edible. This week the kids will eat only spider shaped pasta and husband is drinking wine named 'evil'. (It is aptly named!). When a workmates regular package from mom arrived I was gobsmacked though. Among the beautifully wrapped treats were the usual ghost shaped lollipops and chocolate cats. Second prize for bad taste went to chocolate coated oreo cookies topped with a little icing tombstone (sweet). First prize went unchallenged to the huge chocolate coffin. Complete with RIP and woodgrain effect this sucker competed for inappropiateness only with the obligatory 'sexy' witch-mom who shows up at every playgroup dress up party. The coffin was complete in it's glory when we popped the chocolate slab lid to reveal a white chocolate skeleton resplendant on his orange cushion. He's too intricate to eat so he's resting in the fridge until we have a santa to replace him.

ouch

We have young people staying for a couple of weeks so we duly trooped of to a theme park at the weekend. Last time we went there, I braved a leg dangly roller coaster thingy -it was singularly the worst experience of my life! I will never do that again,

But I do go on old wooden rollercoasters and waltzer type things. Well I did until this weekend. This week the first ride I tried, an airplane / roundabout designed for small children left me nauseous for the rest of the day. On The Grizzly - a wooden rollercoaster I wasn't holding on. Not becuase I was feeling brave, but because it is so rattly (is that a real word?) I found myself literally clutching my temples in an attempt to stop my brain from slamming against the inside of my skull so violently.

Twinkle of course wanted to go around twice. I said no.

mixed messages

At the beginning of the school year, parents are asked to attend a parent / teacher conference. Here you sit down with your child, discuss progress and agree a set of goals for the year.

As my little darlings are perfectly behaved geniuses this is a cake walk for us. It is very weird though, how they both clam up and get all akward because their two worlds are meeting at a tiny table (teachers never think to bring in big chairs in this situation) and all eyes are on them. This week I was left feeling all antsy though. Twinkle's new teacher is pretty straightforward and a nice lady. And she seems to be actually teaching math which is a BIG deal in this household which is scarred by last years long division fiasco, But she kept slipping into that baby talk thing that people sometimes do. It drives Twinkle NUTS and I've been constantly telling her off for being disrespectful when she imitates it. I'm telling you, after twenty minutes of it, I bonded very deeply with my child. The woman actually said 'lickety split' for gods sake!

THEN in the boy's session his teacher, who is lovely, set him a goal of 'being willing to make mistakes'. I know where she's coming from on the confidence thang but she actually said 'its ok to get it wrong'. Excuse me but he's six how the hell is he supposed to interpret that? So when he gets 2 out of 5 in a test she's gonna say, yeah its ok to get it wrong? I doubt it.

snack attack

The lovely office manager/company grown up, was going to Safeway last week. 'I'll stock up on snacks' she says. 'What do you all want?' In typical Northern Californian style the list went like this...
trail mix, dried fruit, some green apples (not red, they use too many pesticides), and nuts.

Now, in Scotland the list would go like this ...
hobnobs, kitkats, mcvities rich tea, cheese n onion crisps, something healthy - oh bananas, and diet coke.

So I was terribly impressed with them all and feeling a wee bit smug with myself, and my new healthy environment. Until today that is, when i had a stinking hangover and all there was to eat was freekin trail mix and nuts!

Luckily I expanded my emergency handbag kit after the last earthquake and I found a mini snickers and a tetley teabag in my handbag. Man it was goood!

Of course!

Son still wanders into our bed many nights despite being six. Breaking the habit would involve one of us getting up and walking him back to his own bed. Since my husband with the overly acute hearing sleeps with earplugs and pretends to be dead at the slightest hint of tiny footsteps, that would mean I have to get up and walk him back to bed. ( I save my spousal sleep punches for very special occassions). So the boy will probably still be clambering into the middle of the bed when he's 23.

The upside is, we have an enormous 'Cal King' bed. Which 42 little boys could climb into and you wouldn't really notice. So most nights I dont even notice. Last night however, he had a bit of a cough, so I stirred just as he was clambering onto the bed. In the half darkness I could see this swollen and mis-shapen blob lumbering towards me. I sat bolt upright thinking the annoying cough was in fact a symptom of the leprosy or elephantitis he'd contracted sometime since 8pm that evening. On closer inspection the lumps reveal themselves to be a selection of toy bears, pokemon, mice and dragons. All stuffed into the waistband and pockets of his PJ,s. He rolls over and goes to sleep.

This evening I'm watching him ritually gather and stuff the menagerie into his troos again. I'm getting worried. Is this going to turn into some weird lifelong fetish? So casually I ask him why he's stuffing his stuffed animals into his trousers. He stops. Looks at me like I've grown another head and replies 'To keep them safe of course! '.

lord help us

At the weekend I ran in a charity 10K/Half marathon event. I did the 10k obviously as I run very slowly and dont have the patience for a half marathon. I say that like I COULD run a half marathon. God, I'm funny!

Anyway. I run the 10k. Do quite respectably. Don't die in the process. Which is always a distinct possibility. I'm feeling quite good about myself.

Two days later the charity who organise the event publish the results. They publish them on the internet, email all participants with the list, post it in the local paper. I'm check my results. Hey, 28th in the woman's 10k. Sweet. (sweeping past the fact that there were only 40 something 10k runners) - it's the first time I've gone down from a 3 figure position, so I'm good with that.

Hmm what's that number on the right? MY AGE!!!?!!! They published my age!!!!?! What the hell!?!!! Palpitations. Cold sweats. Light head. Trauma. Nausea. Oh, there are a few 20-somethings who finished after me? Sweeeeeeet.